The Secret Order of the Slingshot

Eric Marcarelli

Scene i

BENNY, GABE, and CADE are gathered in the Secret Hideout – a large, hollow bush up against the side of a house. BENNY is standing on a cement area while the others are seated on branches. A meeting is in progress.

BENNY But wouldn’t that violate the Kiwi Policy?

GABE Not if we do it right. We could peel the bottom first.

BENNY That could work – all in favor?

ALL Aye.

BENNY Ok. Cade, you wanted to discuss the magnet fund—

Enter HARRY, panting.

BENNY Right on time, as usual!

HARRY Bad news! The Stealing Stans have struck again! They took my brother’s new Dinosaur Hunter.

CADE The blue one?

HARRY Indeed.

CADE Eek! It was so young.

GABE I’m sorry for your loss…

BENNY No loss! We’re getting that toy back.

HARRY We need a plan.

BENNY We need a new slate.

CADE Gabe, help me with this.

Characters exit the hideout and put together a seesaw with a giant rock. Together Cabe and Gabe jump and make the rock fly up to the slate roof. A cracking sound is heard and a piece of slate slides down to the group. They head back inside and gather around the slate, chalk in hand.

BENNY Where were they last seen?

HARRY They ran off toward the brook.

CADE They have a fort near the Crocked Crossing. Maybe they’re storing the loot there.

GABE Impossible, Benny destroyed that fort last week.

BENNY The fort threatened the Trumpet Weed clearing. It wasn’t that hard to knock down.

GABE It had a moat.

CADE Their house would probably be our best bet.

BENNY [scribbling on the slate, mumbling] Around Milwood… through Pilweed… hmm…

GABE It’ll take all day to get there on foot.

BENNY I think if we cut through the forest at the east side of Milwood Avenue. That should take us there twice as fast.

GABE That part of the forest doesn’t even have trails!

BENNY We won’t need them. If we just walk straight what’s the worst that could happen?

CADE Let’s head out.

Scene ii

BENNY, CADE, GABE, and HARRY are walking through somewhat dense undergrowth

in the forest. BENNY is at the lead, swinging branches out of the way with a long stick in

one hand and slingshot in the other. They have been traveling for almost a half hour, and

in the forest for about 20 minutes

CADE Any idea where we are?

BENNY Vaguely. If I remember correctly we should only be a few minutes away from the Skunk Cabbage Valley

HARRY Skunk Cabbage?

BENNY [running to the top of a small hill] Look!

The group stands before a small valley overgrown with Skunk Cabbage. A small stream winds through the middle.

BENNY This could come in handy. Gabe: the bags.

GABE Here. [pulls out several plastic grocery bags and hands them to the others]

BENNY Beware of the juices, but help me harvest some of the cabbage. We’ll need all the firepower we can get against the Stealing Stans. Cade, aren’t you immune to poison sumac?

CADE Yeah, but I don’t see any around

BENNY Can you scout around for some?

CADE Sure. [heads off and out of sight]

Several minutes pass.

HARRY Come on, we have plenty. We need to move on or we’ll never reach the Stans by night.

BENNY Cade still hasn’t returned.

HARRY If you hadn’t sent him out alone he wouldn’t be lost.

BENNY Who said he’s lost?

HARRY Do you know where he is?

GABE Guys, stop! I think we should go look for him.

BENNY So you think he’s lost too?

GABE Just to be safe…

HARRY What if he comes back while we’re hunting?

GABE I could stay here.

HARRY More splitting up? We don’t have time for this! Leave a note for Cade and follow me.

BENNY Who’s giving the orders now? I say we wait.

HARRY Who knows what they’re doing to that Dinosaur Hunter by now.

BENNY Is that all you care about? Then why don’t you go ahead and fight them by yourself. Oh wait, you’re not brave enough to do that.

HARRY Oh yeah? Watch me. [walks off into the forest]

BENNY [trying but failing to fake a smile, and laughing awkwardly] He’ll be back. He’s just trying to make us worry.

Scene iii

TED and BOB, the Stealing Stans, are standing on the shore of the Polluted Pond; a little ways through the bushes CADE is stumbling through brush looking for sumac. HARRY is yet farther away, but quickly moving toward the scene.

TED You’re right, Bob, there sure is a lot of it floating on the surface…

BOB Legend has it that one dark night a man fell asleep at the wheel and drove off the road into this pond. One man’s tragedy is another man’s treasure!

TED Bring that crate of loot over here, we need to find something to scoop it with.

BOB Here’s a bucket to store it.

TED This plastic helmet might be a handy scoop.

BOB Well, start scooping.

TED Me! The fire was my idea.

BOB But the pond was mine! Start scooping or I’ll throw you—

CADE breaks through the brush several feet behind BOB.

TED Behind you, get him!

BOB swings around, grabs CADE, and throws him on his face in front of the pond.

BOB Start scooping!

CADE Huh? What?

TED [handing him the helmet] We want the oil out of the pond. Start scooping or else!

CADE bends over and starts carefully harvesting the oil off the surface of the water. HARRY, mostly calmed down by now comes across the scene and immediately runs back to the group.

Scene iv

BENNY and GABE are walking through the forest, HARRY runs up and starts yelling what he’d seen.

HARRY Benny! Gabe! They have Cade! They’re forcing him to mine oil off the Polluted Pond!

BENNY Well look who’s back, Gabe. The Big Man couldn’t quite make it on his own.

HARRY Forget that and listen! The Stealing Stans have Cade!

BENNY [sarcastically] Right Harry, we believe you. Let’s go Gabe! We need to run out through those bushes and save Cade!

HARRY This isn’t a trick, listen to me! Gabe, when have I lied?

BENNY Certainly not last week when you told us you were having fried liver so you could horde pizza. You have no respect for the laws of the Order. This has been building for long enough! Give me your slingshot.

HARRY [jumps forward and snatches BENNY’S slingshot and chucks it through the trees in the direction of the pond] How’s that for you?

GABE Come on Benny, I’ll help you find it. [starts walking]

BENNY You’ll regret this. [catches up to GABE and they walk off toward the slingshot]

Scene v

TED, BOB, and CADE are at the Polluted Pond as before. Something has just fallen out of the sky and landing in the pond.

TED What was that?

BOB Stop fooling around. Can’t you ever be serious?

TED It wasn’t me! It came from the sky.

BOB I bet someone dropped it out of a plane.

TED It could be loot from a robbery.

BOB Or a murder weapon! Grab that branch and help me fish it out. Where did it land?

TED [pointing as BOB moves the stick] No, the other way. Too far. Down a little…

BENNY and GABE break through the bushes.

BENNY The Polluted Pond!

GABE Cade!

BENNY The Stealing Stans!

CADE Help! They’re making me harvest oil!

TED and BOB turn around to face the group.

BOB More labor, eh?

BENNY Not likely.

BENNY runs forward and thrusts at the end of the branch. BOB loses his balance and

falls into the pond. Covered in oil and with his legs tangled in an old tire he yells at TED

who runs from the sight of GABE’s slingshot. BENNY and CADE grab the box of toys

and the three run back into woods to look for HARRY.